Ray Ferguson Illustrations: 2009

Vacation started out like every other vacation the Ferguson clan has ever taken. We (Kelli and I) decide to leave at 7:00 am and Kay decides that we need to leave at 8:00 am. Kelli and I won; we left at 7:45.

We had an un-eventful ride to LAX…this is a good thing. Until, we got to the security checkpoint. There were two lines; one was a mile long! (OK I’m exaggerating it was a mile and a half long.) And the other was empty. I asked the nice person guarding the short line if we could take the line less traveled. She asked if we were traveling first class, after we all had a good chuckle, we humbly took our place in the looooong slow moving line. Then to make matters worse, when we get to the front of the line I hand the Transit cop the wrong boarding pass. Talk about having a short fuse…this guy should really seek therapy.

We finally make it past the security obstacle course to wait for our plane. And wait we did. Our flight was to take off at 11:30 am at 11:00 am we were notified that our flight was delayed to an unknown time. As we are waiting I notice that everything is very modern and has up to date technology. There are monitors that tell you the weather in China, flight times down to the second and how to board a plane with cool graphics, But the public address system sounds like something the Wright brothers might of used. And why must they all speak in to it at once.

At 1:00 pm we finally board our flight. Despite our delay we will still make our connecting flight in Honolulu. The flight crew looks stressed as we board.

I have a bad feeling about this.

We are finally off to the cheers and applause of all the passengers. This is short lived though; we end up sitting on the tarmac for over an hour.

As we are sitting the pilot informs us that we are still having a problem with the plane. Something about a bad hyper-drive, thingamajig, that they were trying to fix.

I have a bad feeling about this.

About a half hour later the pilot informs us that we are still having problems and now the control tower lost our flight plan.

I have a REALLY bad feeling about this.

Finally the pilot tells us that we are now low on fuel and we will have to return to the gate. As we return to the gate we stop again. As we wait, there are now fire trucks and police cars rushing to our plane!

I have a REALLY REALLY bad feeling about this!

Somehow we return to the airport. As we disembark the flight crew looks a little relieved as they say their good byes.

Our journey now takes us to the customer service counter. There are 200 people in this line. It would be quicker to walk Hawaii. Why is it in a situation like this there is always someone that thinks they know more than anyone else? This woman seemed to know everything that was wrong with our flight from the bad flux compositor to who was sleeping with whom. After a few minutes in line I have a revelation! Why not call customer service! Who would of thought watching The Amazing Race would payoff. After calling we found out that the airlines had already booked us on another flight, a direct flight, to Kauai. We were the envy of the customer service line; soon everyone was on their cell phones.

It is now 4:00pm and as we wait to get our boarding passes for our new flight a thought hits us…OUR LUGGAGE! Where is it going? We are informed that it is on our original flight and it’s going to Honolulu. As fate has it they now announce that our original flight is now boarding at another gate. I go to that gate to ask if it would be better to stay with our luggage or take the other flight. The attendant is confused and says that we are on this flight and now wants to see all of our boarding passes. Around this time Kelli comes to inform me that they are waiting for our boarding passes on the other side of the airport. We are now holding up two lines. My attendant informs us that we would be better off with the direct flight and makes it her personal mission to take care of our boarding passes much to the chagrin of the attendant for the direct flight. Who is now giving my wife dirty looks.

Finally, we are getting on a flight to Hawaii! But we notice that there is no boarding number on our pass. I learned that this is necessary from their high-tech monitors. When we inquire the attendant looks at us like we are stupid and says, “Your in first class. Go ahead and board.” YES! Our fortunes have changed.

First class is awesome! Food, drinks, legroom, pillows and warm cookies. What could be better?

After a few hours we arrive in Kauai, we tired without luck to find out anything on our luggage. We decide to go our condo and worry about our luggage in the morning. We wait for the rental car bus to take us to get our car. After 20 minutes the bus arrives and the driver, Mr. Dang, asks us which rental car company we are going to, Avis or Budget? We all say Avis. Mr. Dang say OK, we’ll go to Budget first. (We are the only ones on the bus, mind you.) To make matters worse we could of walked to Avis it was only 100 yards from the terminal.

We are finally here. Our condo is awesome. Our luggage showed up. There is only one problem. We fly 2387 miles to get away from work only to have this right across the street from us…